Just saw my psych, and told her how much I was struggling with E V E R Y thing and that I have access to some things I probably shouldn’t. 

So now she knows. She told me what I need to do if I feel unsafe, and tried to get me to agree to get rid of the things (I couldn’t). 

So now we play it by ear; we wait until this contract is over and see how I go. And there’s another potential hospital admission once the contract is finished. 

I went to church tonight for the first time in months, which was really good and it was nice to be in a positive environment. 

Unfortunately, I got the overwhelming feeling that I had failed in so so many different ways that it wasn’t worth me being there anymore. 

Had I not been seated in one of the very front rows, and with my brother and sister-in-law, I would have gone straight to my car and downed the meds in there. As it was, I had to sit through the service feeling like I was a waste of time and space. Now I’m home, and that feeling has not left me. 

Anonymous asked:

You are strong! You are worth it! You deserve joyful life filled with laughter, love and magical moments! You can do anything you set your mind on. We believe in you! Its normal to get tired dear, be gentle to yourself, rest and rest and rest. Wishing you to come in contact with so many things to smile about each day dear. Stay well and stay strong!

Thank you so so so much for this. xxx